So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
