i don't like sucking hair
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
