You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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