Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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