sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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