It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
