His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
