So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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