talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
