they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
