i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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