he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
