There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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