is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
