Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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