I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
