i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize