I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
