we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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