FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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