I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
