I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
