Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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