he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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