Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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