Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
