she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize