Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she told me i tasted like america
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
