If i come over, it means nothing
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
