weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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