Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
