You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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