i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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