She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
