you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
