Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
