Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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