He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
