theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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