carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
