Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
