You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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