It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
