youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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