I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
