Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
