You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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