my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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