omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
