My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I would ride that face into the sunset
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
