Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
