remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Enjoy the penises
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
