youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
