Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
