and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
