I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
