my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
