Christians are straight up FREAKS
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
